When We Grow Up
by risingfire17
Summary: A one-shot of Zack and Ray's life on the run after escaping the building six months ago. They are fleeing cops, processing their traumatic childhoods, and...falling in love? Can Zack return the feelings of the girl who calls for him in her nightmares? CW: Underage


Zack felt a rustling coming from the other side of the bed. _Ray must be having a nightmare. I should wake her up. _Zack had had enough sleepless nights in the last six months on the run with Ray to familiarize himself with her sleeping habits.

She stayed up late, but when she was out, she was out. Typical thirteen-year-old girl kind of thing? Probably. Not that Zack would know too much about that. She stayed in one place the entire night, curled up in a ball, taking up as little space as possible. Unless she had a nightmare. Then she started thrashing and screaming. Sometimes she screamed for her parents. But lately, she had been screaming Zack's name.

The first time he heard the screaming, he had been unnerved. He needed to stop the screams, or they could be found. Awake, rational Ray would agree with that. But what the hell was he supposed to do with a terrified child?

He learned soon enough that just his presence could calm her down. At first, she wouldn't realize she was awake, and she would still be screaming. But he would get in her face and shake her, yelling her name over the sound of her screams. Slowly, her eyes would shrink down from their wide-eyed terror as she gained awareness. She would touch his face and stare at him, as if assessing whether or not he was really there. Then she would collapse into his arms and cry, begging him not to leave, until finally she fell asleep. He would put her back in bed, where she would stay for the rest of the night. He would lie awake for a long time wondering why the hell she thought she needed someone like him there with her. But whatever. She stopped screaming, and that was enough.

She never acted any different in the morning, and Zack had no idea if she even remembered these episodes. He had thought before about asking, but he didn't want to remind her if she didn't. Whatever had her that worked up had to be too shitty to remember if she had a chance to forget.

Anyway, tonight she was beginning to stir, the first sign of a nightmare. He turned over, ready to monitor her. He usually tried to wake her when she began to thrash, before the screams started. He hated the screams. Especially now. They had run out of money for motels, so they were in an abandoned house. The last thing they needed was the kind of attention screams would draw.

But to his surprise, he heard not a scream, but the voice of a very much awake Ray. "Zack, you're awake?"

"Tryin' not to be. Whaddya want, Ray?"

"I wanted to give you something. To thank you. You know, for being there when I have nightmares."

"You remember that? I wasn't sure. But it's not like you gotta thank me or nothin'! I mean, I'm just doin' what I have to so our cover doesn't get blown!"

She had crawled all the way onto his side of the bed and had propped herself up over him. This was a little closer than Zack was used to when she was fully awake. He had never let anyone get as close to him as Ray had, and even then, it was more out of necessity than anything else. So he wasn't sure how to react now. But his heartbeat and breath were both getting faster. Like they did right before a kill. But that wasn't what this was, at least he didn't think so. She wasn't giving him any clues of what to do; she just continued to stare over him silently.

"All right, Ray, what did ya want to give me?" If she was just giving him something, it couldn't be so bad, right? Especially since Ray was so practical. Whatever she had, would probably be something useful. And the sooner they were done with this, the sooner this awkward…whatever it was…would be over and he could try to get some sleep.

"Close your eyes and hold out your hands." He did as he was told. There was some shuffling on the bed, which he assumed was her pulling something out of her pockets. But then he felt something warm and soft on his cheek. He yelped and bolted upright. That was human flesh on his face. She must be trying to strangle him. He couldn't figure why she would want him dead, but he didn't care. Swing first and ask questions later. That philosophy had kept him alive until now.

In a second, he had wrapped his hand around Ray's throat and shoved her down into the bed. If this was how it had to end, then so be it. But his chest hurt, and his eyes stung. _Why? Is it because I didn't think Ray would try to hurt me? Is it because I didn't want her to?_ He had never believed there was anyone who wouldn't try to hurt him given the chance, so this shouldn't be any different. Tears started well up in his eyes. _Right?_

Ray's hands were on his, but they weren't desperately trying to pry them off of her the way they should be. They were…rubbing his hands. Kind of like how he rubbed her face and head while trying to pull her out of a nightmare. This action alone was enough to make Zack take his hands off her. As she gasped for breath, he asked her, "What…was that?"

"I'm sorry, Zack, I…didn't mean to scare you." She sat up and pulled close to him slowly, staring at him the whole time. "I really…didn't mean to scare you."

"What the hell was that?"

For a moment she didn't respond; she just looked down and seemed to shrink. Finally, she mumbled: "I'll…show you. You can keep your eyes open. Tell me to stop anytime, and I will. So you don't need to be afraid. Okay?"

Zack was getting a sinking feeling that whatever had just happened was one of those "normal" things that he didn't know about. If that was the case, he definitely wanted to get this over with. His face was already burning. "F-fine."

Ray moved her face close to his. Like, way too close. _What the fuck is she doing?!_ He was too confused to even move as she pressed her lips on his cheek.

Finally, he understood what she was trying to do. He hadn't seen much of it, but he knew it was something people did. Something happy people did. Something they did with people who made them happy. Something they did to make themselves happier.

Suddenly, his whole body was burning. He felt like he had no air in his lungs. He sucked in a huge breath of air but it did nothing to help. He felt lightheaded. He felt like he might die there, collapse into Ray's arms. The scariest part though was thinking _maybe that isn't so bad._

Ray pulled away slowly. She stared at him intently. He felt himself melting under her gaze. He didn't understand it. It pissed him off that he didn't. Would she know what was going on with him? Like hell he was going to ask! He could ask her to explain a lot to him, but he felt like this was something he should figure out for himself.

"Whatever that was…do…do it again."

She obliged. Again her warm lips were on his cheek. His entire body grew hot. He slowly sank back into the pillow. She followed him. He couldn't breathe. She was taking all the air from him. He found his hand on her waist, pulling her closer, maybe that would make her give him his breath back. He reached up with his free hand, touching her face, and then trailing around her head to the nape of her neck. Her lips moved along his cheek, closer and closer to his own lips. Finally, her face was right over his, her lips about a millimeter from his. He had been pulling her closer, but suddenly he panicked and shoved her away.

What was she trying to do? What was HE trying to do?! He felt hot and delirious; his body was screaming and it seemed to be screaming for her. But…whatever that was…it seemed to be leading to places Zack wasn't ready for. He had never wanted anything like that before. But now…did he want more? What did that mean? It was too unknown. Couldn't trust that shit. Even if it was something normal for guys his age to be doing….

That was it! For people his age! Adults!

"What the hell are you doing, Ray?! Yer a fuckin' kid! Kids don't do that shit!"

"I'm sorry. I…just…don't know. Forget it." She had shrank away from him. She looked like she was going to cry. Tears seemed even scarier than screams. Why, though? At least those could be kept quiet. _Ah, fuck!_ He was trying to figure out what was going on with his own body, why did he have to worry about her too?

"Ray….look at me." When she did, he flinched. Her eyes had tears in them. He felt like something was crushing his chest, and it fucking hurt! He had to calm her down so he could figure out how to calm himself down. She might be easier though.

"Ray, I…didn't mean to yell at ya…."

She hung her head again and asked in a tiny voice: "Did…you have someone else you wanted to do that with?"

He doubled back away from her in shock. THIS was what she was worried about? Why? Why did she think about these things when he himself never had before?! Stupid girl, making things weird like this!

"Why the hell would I wanna do anything like that?! You do that with people you like, right?! Look at me! I fuckin' don't like people, except-" he cut himself off there, afraid of admitting the next bit. But she was already staring at him with eyes that would claw the answer out of him whether he wanted to give it or not. So he continued: "Except…maybe you. I mean, I _tolerate _you. You know, because I have to. I don't tolerate other people."

He had turned away from her, thinking that might ease some of the burning sensation taking place throughout his body. He suspected the truth might be that he liked her. That he wanted her to stay. And maybe, just maybe, he wanted her to keep doing what she had been doing. But he wasn't quite ready to admit that yet.

He ruffled her hair, pushing her head down where her gaze couldn't reach him. He tried to laugh. "But even so, you're just a kid. What kind of sick fuck do you think I am?" He obviously wasn't much for social conventions, though he was happy he could hide behind this one. Even though he knew she wasn't really a kid. She had seen and been through way too much to be a kid. Besides, she was the one who kept them going most of the time, with that brain of hers. She may be thirteen, but she definitely wasn't a kid.

And if he was ever going to let anyone push him into that place she had tried to push him into, it would be her. Only her. He would never let anyone get as close to him as Ray. Ideally, he wouldn't have wanted her to get that close. But it had been a special case out of necessity. And now, he didn't think he could live without her. He wasn't ever going to give anyone else that kind of power. Nope. That was Ray's, and Ray's alone.

But not now. He wasn't ready to open that can of worms yet.

Ray had turned away from him; she looked like she was about to return to her own side of the bed. But she asked in her tiny voice, "Will…will you wait for me? You know, to grow up?"

Again with his breath catching in his throat. Maybe she could teach him how to live without air. That would be useful in case someone was trying to strangle him. But these feelings didn't seem like they'd go away easily. And if he had to live with them, he wanted to understand them. She could help him do that. Of that, at least, he was certain.

He leaned over and pressed his lips on her forehead. That was the most he could handle, and even that felt fucking weird. "Yes. I will."

She looked up at him. "Promise?"

He'd been down that road before. "Yes, I promise. I'll wait for you. And then we'll do…that. Before I kill ya! But…just…forget it for a while…till ya grow up, kay?"

"Okay. Th-thank you!" And then she smiled. Zack wasn't used to seeing smiles, especially not from Ray. In the past, smiles had made him want to kill people. But this one…didn't. He didn't know why. It was just one more of the many things about tonight he didn't understand. That he wasn't ready to deal with. So she got a free pass tonight. Even if she was the one person who didn't want one.

Or did she now? She hadn't mentioned their last promise in…several months. Neither had he. But _that _was yet another long line of questions he didn't want to think about. He was too tired now.

"Tch, go to sleep, kid! If I'm gettin' tired, then its way past _yer _damn bedtime!" But Ray was already curling up into her usual ball on her own side of the bed. She mumbled a soft, "'oodnightZack," slurred by sleep already setting in. _Yep, past her bedtime, all right!_

Zack turned over on his back and stared at the ceiling. It was going to be another sleepless night. He had a lot to figure out. Luckily, he had some time, a few years to process what happened tonight, before Ray visited it again as an adult, demanding answers. He looked over at her sleeping body and chuckled. _What a bold girl. _Only a bold girl like her could have made him think things like _I'll be ready for you by then. I promise._


End file.
